Work Game Story

Guess what this coworker does for a living?

Mowing The Apple Tree

From an early age I was granted the exceptionally noble task of moving our family’s 2.5 acre lawn with a push mower. Imagine a malnourished child with barely enough strength to rip the pull-tab off a soda can. That was me. I hated that yard. To this day I cannot understand how grass was actually able to grow amongst the Mars-like, rocky terrain. But it grew and I had to mow it.

After graduating from the push mower I was entrusted with the powerful Montgomery Ward riding lawn mower, complete with brake, clutch, manual choke and 3 speeds (plus Reverse). This thing was old. And it drove like an army jeep careening down the steps to the Capitol Building in D.C. I called it the Spine Shaker.

One afternoon, with my 11-year-old lanky body steering the deafeningly loud Spine Shaker, something seemed a bit wrong with the steering. It was loose. I couldn’t slow down since there were only two throttle settings: FAST and OFF. I turned the wheel near the apple tree to head back toward my dad to let him check it out. Halfway through the turn the steering wheel completely detached sending me straight for the young apple tree. The front of the mower hit the tree with just enough of a bounce that the front wheels came up off the ground. That was not about to stop the rear-wheel drive power of the spine shaker and it lunged the entire mower UP the tree. In that swift second of falling backwards I was just able to kick my leg up toward the brake/clutch bringing the wheels to a halt. And there I hung, sideways on that apple tree. I looked over and saw my sister laughing hysterically.

Naturally my father witnessed this entire event and came rushing over, yelling “shut it off!” as the blade was still spinning at helicopter blade speed. I’ll never forget how angry he was as I slowly crawled off the beast. And I thought… “Yeah, this little incident was all part of my master plan.” I got up and handed him the steering wheel and that was the last we ever saw of the Spine Shaker.